Many Americans live a hurried existence where speed and consumerism are as ingrained in our culture as our constitutional rights and reality television. We want what we want right away. Fast food, fast news, express oil-changes and even express manicures. It’s all about skipping the journey and crossing the finish line.
Fast food dating, as I like to call it, has become a byproduct if our speed culture. Dr. Abigail Brenner explains this phenomenon in her piece for “Psychology Today” called, “Lust, Love, Like: Keeping Love Strong.”
“Our high-tech, warp-speed consumer culture is adept at breeding short attention spans, seemingly directing us to the “next best thing,” she wrote. “In addition to that, our psyches are often guided by the ‘pleasure principle’ that seeks to override that which causes emotional or psychological discomfort and pain.”
We’re attracted to what makes us feel good and have difficulty dealing with anxiety-provoking things, especially relationships. Patience is no longer as virtuous as it once was, and instant gratification seems more a part of our DNA rather than a luxury.
My girl friends and I often talk about how difficult and time-consuming dating can be. Many people view speed dating as a solution to this volatile dating market and way to reconcile their romantic desires with their socially conditioned need to find a partner as quickly and easily as possible.
But I wondered whether speed dating, which began as a way for Jewish singles to meet, is a manifestation of a culture in which humans are becoming as accessible and disposable as fast food, or whether it’s a legitimate way for a portion of the population on sensory overload to find love.
So, I signed up for a speed-dating event sponsored by NY Minute Dating. The experience reminded me of a horrible audition I had for a play in grade school. It took me years to forgive my mother for suggesting I sing Frank Loesser’s “A Bushel and A Peck.”
Here I was, back on the chopping block being sized up by a man across the table — likely trying to determine whether I had strong genes, good credit and fit his physical requirements.
Some of the men had recently gotten out of relationships or had been dealt an unlucky hand of dating cards. But at least half said they didn’t have time to search for a partner because of their hectic schedules.
Most of the men seemed unshakably anxious. One aerospace chemist couldn’t control his nervous laughter whether we talked about his lazy brother or chemical compounds. Another seemed unusually attached to his man-bag. I have no idea what was inside.
One gentleman smelled like he’d just consumed a bottle of whisky and a cheap cigar. Not much of a social butterfly I guess.
I met one confident man who had only been in the United States for four days after just arriving from Mexico. Who knows if he’d finished unpacking?
But I was surprised by how nerve-wrecking it is to voluntarily participate in a dating line-up where you’re judged on your looks, personality and even fashion sense. I found it difficult to get past the unnerving awkwardness and really gauge my candidate’s personalities in our short time together.
Psychologists are turning speed-dating events into social science experiments to learn about human behavior and mate selection.
While some evidence, such as studies conducted by Dr. Marian L. Houser of Texas State University, suggest people can make discerning judgments about others in a four-minute conversation, it’s not clear whether that’s enough time to assess a potential match.
Because of technological advances, we’re able to connect with people at exceptional rates. But the time we spend engaging in technological activities has fostered a society of individuals who are increasingly more isolated and spend less time engaging in direct social contact with others.
Speed dating and even online dating are convenient. But so are text-messaging, email and Facebook.
It’s hard to have a thoughtful conversation through these tools. It also seems the importance of human connections are being overshadowed by accommodating online interfaces and romance on-the-go remedies.
I’m all about adapting with the times. But people aren’t combo meals that can be super-sized or switched for the diet option when you’re in a hurry and don’t have time to sit down to eat.
